What to do...what to do...

OK. So I've been hung up on Spiritual gifts for a while. I've taken SHAPE classes and done DiSC tests. I've read books (even the Bible!). I'm still unclear on what makes a gift Spiritual. And how you're supposed to know if it's Spiritual or just genetic or something. Be that as it may, I do believe that I have the gift of Administration. Exciting, huh?

Last week Mike and I met with a person at First Baptist to try to gain some insight into our life. We've been drifting for some time, waiting for something, but not sure what. And we know we have a tendency to have blind spots, so we were looking for some help. Turns out our very good listener friend thinks we should look at our gifts, talents, abilities, etc to help us grasp what God is doing in us and with us.

Of course, I've already taken the assessment (a couple of months ago, in fact), but Mike hadn't done this one before. So Mike did his yesterday. (It was supposed to take about 45 minutes, but it took Mike over three hours. Does this tell you anything about our indecisiveness?) Now we're trying to figure out what this means (on our own because our friend is out-of-pocket for a week or so). We haven't come up with much, but I always find it a fascinating exercise.

Basically it looks like Mike is schizophrenic and I'm OCD. I'm thinking we'll make a followup appointment with our new friend as soon as possible.

We're both big on "helps" - Mike more in a mentoring/discipling kind of way; I'm more of a behind-the-scenes organizer. I certainly can see all kinds of places the two of us could participate, but what we desire is to make it a full-time commitment, not just a weekend hobby. The hard part has been convincing anyone else. And it's not like we're independently wealthy - we'd need to make some money doing it, too. So are we headed for disappointment? Are we doomed to be ministry wannabees?

We'll see.

Oh, have I mentioned "The Sing Off" is on again? Love it!!!

Not a fan

I've been moonlighting at the TUTS gift shop going on four seasons now. I only work the shows that are self-produced, so it can be two - four shows a year. I've always enjoyed it both for the extra cash and for the chance to be near the theater again. I often think as a show draws near that this may be my last one. It's two weeks of 12 hour days (because I still have my "real" job) with no weekend break. But then I do it again, and although I'm completely exhausted and out-of-the-loop when the two weeks are up, I have a blast!

I used to be all about the theater - music theater was my major at ASU. But I'm coming to realize that I much preferred doing theater. In other words, I'm not really an avid fan. I certainly enjoy watching, but I have never been someone to "follow" theater. I don't usually watch the Tony awards. I don't know the latest shows running on Broadway, or who the big names are, or what will be touring when.

In fact, there are many things I enjoy but I guess I'm not really a fan because I don't stay on top of what's happening. Things like music. I love to sing. I enjoy music, but I don't download MP3's, or follow artists on twitter or facebook, or get newsletters, or go to concerts or even regularly turn on the radio.

I like sports. I play fantasy sports. But I don't pay that much attention in the off-season. I don't remember who was in the playoffs from year to year. Or who played for whom and when. I like tv and movies - but I don't check the entertainment news and blogs every day to see what's in the works or who is dating or divorcing or even care. I do care about politics and the direction our country is going; then again I didn't know anything about the Occupy Wall Street protests until yesterday.

Is this normal?

15 Years

I just love my husband. This week we're celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. I look back and I can't remember all the reasons why I was in love with him when we got married, but I'm sure glad I had them. I know why I love him right this moment. I was just thinking today about how lucky I am because there are things that have just worked out that I'm pretty sure I didn't much consider fifteen years ago. Here's a short list:

* He loves Jesus. - At the time we got married, we were both believers but wandering in the desert. This did not seem all too important at the time, but has become to mean everything since!

* He's a creative artist and simultaneously a sports fan. - He'll go to both the theater and the ballpark with me.

* He thinks I make the best burritos and enchiladas in the world. - Shhh...don't tell him any different.

* He doesn't notice dirt and/clutter. - Sure takes the pressure off doing housework. Of course, he also doesn't help much with it either.....

* He likes cats. - He'll even feed her sometimes.

There are many other things I love about him (his voice, his eyes, his passion, his encouragement, his vulnerability....) and I'm so glad he's stuck it out with me. There have certainly been, are and will be hard times, but I wouldn't trade him for anyone.

Where is the balance?

You know that song from "Oklahoma" - "I'm Just a Girl Who Cain't Say 'No'"? I remember a time when that song ran through my head continually - I was a big-time church lady. I did everything anyone ever asked me to do, and lots of things they didn't. I know every word to that song, even though it's about kissing boys not organizing fundraisers, but STILL! I was very tired.

However, I finally cured myself. Actually I think God spoke through someone else and said it was ok to say no. I didn't have to do everything. It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it, than to exhaust myself doing stuff I was only kinda sorta ok at and end up not being able to do the stuff I'm good at very well. See? Freedom! I was released from the bondage of legalistic "doing" for God. I got to pick and choose - Free Will! Yes!

Oh that fit right into my rebellious side. So much so, that I started swinging too far to the other side. Nothing gets my dander up or my knickers wadded more than someone telling me what I should or should not do. Even if it's true, whatever it is, the very fact that someone told me to do it (or not) makes me push back and dig in my heels. You ain't the boss of me! (Can you hear the attitude?)

I was actually quite enjoying not doing things - not going to Sunday school or not being in the choir or not helping in the nursery or not bringing a dish to the potluck or not going to church at all. I will not be compelled by the desire to impress people with my "good girl" act. I have no desire to impress people at all.

Except that's a lie. I began trying to impress people with my lack of need to impress. Does that make any sense at all? It's like being proud of your humility - really stupid and the opposite of logical.

So where is the balance? It's tricky; I know that much. So back to what God was saying to me before - "It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it." Hmmm. Interesting. I don't really know what that means -"What giftings?" is my first question. And "What kind of boundaries?" is the second.

All of this to share with you that I don't have any answers yet. I am reading 1 Peter chapter 4 - the spirtual gifts part - and mulling. I'll have to get back to you on that.

Bayou City Fellowship - First Sunday

Mike and I attended the "inaugural" service for Bayou City Fellowship this morning. It was wonderful! Very well attended, too. I had never heard Curtis speak before - he is great! Very engaging; laid-back; funny!! Mike was a bit embarassed for all of his LOL moments, but we weren't the only ones cracking up. It is nice being a newcomer when everyone else is, too. We didn't feel overly self-conscious. It was weird recognizing so many people that I follow online but have never met. I almost feel like a stalker - I feel like I know them personally, but they have no idea who I am. Not that I'm anybody, but still.

So Curtis is starting with a message series on 1 Peter. Ha! Anyone who is speaking about Peter is definitely going to have Mike's attention. This first message was mostly an introduction about Peter but with (of course) 3 main points:
-1-Jesus interrupts our lives by getting into our stuff (material things), i.e. Peter's boat.
-2-Jesus interrupts our lives by getting into our business (what we think we know), i.e. Peter's fishing expertise.
-3-Jesus interrupts our lives by getting into our plans (redirects our future), i.e. Peter left everything and followed Him.

Why would we want this? Because it allows us to witness the impossible become possible.

Mike was particularly impressed with Curtis' interpretation regarding point #1 - he took a different perspective than Mike had considered before. Mikey liked it!

We'll be going back next week. Can hardly wait!

Peace Out

I was working on my memory verses without my "cheatsheet" spiral notebook yesterday, and I was all twisted up on my very first one. Partly because I'd been reading it recently in a different version than I had "memorized" it, and partly because I'm on somewhere around my 14th verse for the year (I'm behind) and I seem to be running out of room in my head.

I used to be in theater!!! I used to memorize monologues and music! Good grief! I even wrote lyrics for myself that were ridiculously wordy. I never had a problem like this. It's either age or stress or I'm just losing my chops. Out of practice. Drives me crazy!

So anyway, that's not really why I got on here. The thing is, one of Mike's Bibles was handy (he has them all over the house) when I got lost on James 3:17, so I looked it up. The particular version was different (again), but it still helped. And I read the verse after it (that would be James 3:18).

It says, "And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." So I start thinking about that. What the heck does that mean? If you're a peacemaker and you sow (or plant) peace, you'll grow righteousness? How's that work?

Peacemakers strive to keep things peaceful, I would gather. But doesn't making peace mean compromise? And compromise isn't always good, especially in terms of values and beliefs. Plus, it seems to me that in times of peace, people have a tendency to grow complacent and selfish and mean, until it stops being peaceful again. I don't see righteousness there.

Hmmmm...ok. Reel it in. This whole Bible study thing can be dangerous. I read two verses out of context, and I've got a whole blossoming thought process of contradictions and confusion.

What is James about? Spiritual maturity.

What is he talking about specifically in Chapter 3 here? Keeping our mouths shut.

So as he's wrapping up his discussion about taming our tongues with the wisdom from above (which among other things has a characteristic of peacemaking), does it make sense that he would suddenly start talking about large general cultural concepts? I'm thinking no.

I think this is advice for getting along with people. And the way to do that is to seek God's wisdom (and I hear He just gives it to people who ask for it). And you'll recognize it by its gentleness, peacefulness and resulting righteousness (or as it says in verse 17, "full of mercy and good deeds, showing no favoritism and always sincere").

So I just wanted to kind of write that all out to clear it up in my head. Peace out!

Best Laid Plans

I decided yesterday that I was going to be productive today. I warned Mike last night, so he could take cover if he wanted. His only question was, "So does that mean you're getting up early?" Isn't he just too much? Ha!

So after sleeping in until about 8am, I got up and announced my plan to install the doorbell today. We really hated the fake chime that was here when we moved in, and we took it down when we painted the place. It never went back up. So we've been doorbell-free for years now. A few months ago we purchased a $10 bell, but it's been sitting on the kitchen counter ever since.

Mike does not do anything dealing with electricity (except use it). So I'm the house electrician - I even have a soldering kit! Anyhoo, part of the difficulty is that the bell goes on the wall in the stairwell - like high up the wall. So Mike helped get the ladder stabilized on the stairs (with a cinder block and a stack of books - "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado managed to be on top of the stack, I kept noticing). And I climbed up to investigate what by all indications would be a simple install.

Hmmm....instead of the three wires I expected, there were six. Nothing labeled, of course. Not sure which circuit this would run on, and even though it's only supposed to be about 15 volts, I had turned off the stairwell and the bedroom circuits. That means I have no light. So I'm standing on a ladder that really isn't tall enough, balanced on a stack of books, with a flashlight in my mouth and not a clue.

After many trials and all errors, I got on the internet and confirmed that I was right - there should be only three wires. Unfortunately, that didn't help me with the reality I was looking at. I love these kinds of puzzles. So I turned it in to a story problem, drew some pictures, and tried again. Eureka! I got one button to work. But why not the other one? I figured out three of the wires. The other three were still in question. I also now know which circuit breaker I need off, and it's not the stairwell. So I can lose the flashlight.

After many trips up and down the ladder, to the circuit box in the closet, to the front door bell, to the back door bell, and back around, I finally got it working! I went in for my final trip up the ladder to clean up the wires, mount the bell, and put everything away. The bell broke. One of the main screws that the wires attach to (and to which I'd been putting wires on and off and tightening and loosening ad nauseum) popped out of its cardboard setting - and isn't going back. It breaks the circuit. I'm too tired to pull it all down and see if I can fix it. :P

So I know more about my doorbell's wiring than I did before, but I still don't have a working bell. Does it still count for a productive day?