Saturday, January 31, 2009

Rough Week

It's been a bit of a difficult week. 3 of the 18 employees at my company were let go on Tuesday. It's not that the owners are playing scared or trying to hedge their bets, just in case. The trouble is, most of our clients are doing the hedging and have really hit the brakes. Prospective clients are playing "Wait and see". These tech guys I work with rank some pretty high salaries, and it just isn't possible to carry that big payroll for very long. It was still a shock. We really pride oursleves on being a team, a family. And being a small company, well, it hurts. Thankfully, I wasn't the one who had to tell them. I did have to process them all out, though.

The rest of the week I was just under a cloud. I didn't feel like doing anything, but I made it through. Even went to Bible Study Tuesday night more out of habit than a desire to learn anything. And of course, I still learned some things. And I also ran into some women from church. So I didn't even to get to sit by myself and wallow. I went to choir practice Wednesday because I had said I would be there, and joined the alto section. (Which was fun, actually.)

So now mostly I'm feeling guilty for having my job. It's a lot like when someone dies, but not you and you eventually have to move on with your life. It feels wrong to go back to "normal". Nothing is normal. But life does go on. The good news is these guys aren't dead, and none of them should have that much trouble finding a job. The dudes have got some skills. But it still seems rude to carry on as usual.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Skewered Again

Wow, Beth Moore sure can inspire some good old-fashioned conviction. So this week it was "Do you believe, really deep down, that God is a giver or a taker?" OK, so we all know that the right answer is "Giver". But I know, for me, I really have a hard time believing that "deep down." Honestly, as we struggle and pray and seek to live every day more and more for Him and less for us, I often find myself holding back, afraid to take that next step, wondering what He's going to take next? How much is it going to hurt? In my head I know God is a giver - it's His very nature. So where does this come from? Miz Beth nails it again - Satan! What was the very first thing he used to cause Eve to stumble? Satan told her that God was holding out on her; that God didn't want her to have the best. And she bought it! And I'm still buying it! Dang! I just have to say, that sucks! Now, where do I go from here? So I recognize the problem, can I get over it? I sure hope so.

It's neat to see the Bible application, too, of course. What we're looking at is the story of Abraham (that's where all the inheritance talk starts in the scriptures) and we read about Isaac. God told Abraham to take his son, his only son, the one whom he loves, Isaac, up the mountain, and to sacrifice him to God. So Abraham does - except that God stops him right at the last minute and provides a ram for the sacrifice instead. But Abraham believed God when He told him that he would have many descendants through Isaac. So Abraham also believes that if God wants Isaac to be sacrificed, God must be planning to raise him from the dead. Now that's some faith! All of this is a foretelling of the Gospel, as well.

Anyway, even though we see God "take" sometimes (like with Job), God always gives back a thousandfold (like with Job). So yes, God gives and God takes away AND God gives back again. Nope - it's never boring.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Tuesday night Bible study

I'm attending another Living Proof Bible Study with Beth Moore at First Baptist Church. Once again it's overwhelming to be in a study with near to 4000 people, but at the same time it's fascinating to see so many hungry for God's Word. The topic is "The Inheritance" - which is an expansion of her message at the Living Proof Live event which I went to in San Antonio last summer. I really got a lot out of that weekend, so I'm excited to get a more in depth look at what she was talking about back then.

My Killeen ladies where not there for week one. I met them at the first Bible Study I went to (Esther) and they were there in San Antonio, as well. It was fun to have buddies. Of course, I went to the first Bible Study by myself (and then met my new friends there), so why does it seem daunting to go by myself this time?

Anyway, week one was great, as expected. Favorite declaration from week one - "If you're bored or boring, you aren't in the will of God."