Where is the balance?

You know that song from "Oklahoma" - "I'm Just a Girl Who Cain't Say 'No'"? I remember a time when that song ran through my head continually - I was a big-time church lady. I did everything anyone ever asked me to do, and lots of things they didn't. I know every word to that song, even though it's about kissing boys not organizing fundraisers, but STILL! I was very tired.

However, I finally cured myself. Actually I think God spoke through someone else and said it was ok to say no. I didn't have to do everything. It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it, than to exhaust myself doing stuff I was only kinda sorta ok at and end up not being able to do the stuff I'm good at very well. See? Freedom! I was released from the bondage of legalistic "doing" for God. I got to pick and choose - Free Will! Yes!

Oh that fit right into my rebellious side. So much so, that I started swinging too far to the other side. Nothing gets my dander up or my knickers wadded more than someone telling me what I should or should not do. Even if it's true, whatever it is, the very fact that someone told me to do it (or not) makes me push back and dig in my heels. You ain't the boss of me! (Can you hear the attitude?)

I was actually quite enjoying not doing things - not going to Sunday school or not being in the choir or not helping in the nursery or not bringing a dish to the potluck or not going to church at all. I will not be compelled by the desire to impress people with my "good girl" act. I have no desire to impress people at all.

Except that's a lie. I began trying to impress people with my lack of need to impress. Does that make any sense at all? It's like being proud of your humility - really stupid and the opposite of logical.

So where is the balance? It's tricky; I know that much. So back to what God was saying to me before - "It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it." Hmmm. Interesting. I don't really know what that means -"What giftings?" is my first question. And "What kind of boundaries?" is the second.

All of this to share with you that I don't have any answers yet. I am reading 1 Peter chapter 4 - the spirtual gifts part - and mulling. I'll have to get back to you on that.