God give me the words

I know this sounds crazy, but I've officially inspired someone. My good friend, Leah, has become a blogger - http://leah-mytwocents.blogspot.com/index.html
- and she seems to have a lot more words built up than I do. But she has some very deep thoughts, so they take a few more words to explain. I'm already a subscriber and have greatly enjoyed her first few posts.

Speaking of words - I have greatly struggled over the past few years finding the right words to say to several friends contemplating divorce. I know - this is out of left field, but it's been heavy on my heart for a while.

I am often accused of being a legalist - but really I'm just a rule-keeper because rules make sense in my ordered brain, and if everyone followed the rules the world would be a great place! Like that whole thing in the garden - if they had just followed the rules, we wouldn't be in our current predicament. But, obviously, humans have difficulty keeping rules. (And I'm the first one to cut myself slack in the rule-keeping area - but everyone else should keep playing by the rules, ok?)

And marriage doesn't change the pattern. God is pretty clear about how husbands and wives should treat each other - but do we do it? Rarely! And if my husband isn't doing what he should, I immediately feel under no obligation to do what I should. And yet, our vows at the wedding didn't include any "if he does what he vows, then I vow to ..." Our vows were made to God in reference to the spouse He gave us. There is no "what about him?" It ain't about him - it's about me.

OK, I'm getting all my we's and him's and me's out of whack. Back to my point - what do you say to a godly woman or a godly man who is married to a supposed godly spouse who isn't behaving in a godly way? I've prayed with them and for them; I've recommended Christian counseling; I've spouted verses of what we are called to do and explained that God never promised us happiness in life - but pain, and yet we should have joy in all we do. I've encouraged these sufferers to stick with it, give it to God, pray it through.

And I've utterly failed them. I love them anyway, and try hard to keep judgment out of it, but the marriages haven't worked or are still stuck in the same pain, and I can't seem to help anyone. Anyone have any wise words for me to pass on? or breakthroughs? or anything?