I don't get the whole prayer thing. I know we're supposed to pray, but I don't get why. I mean, really, God knows, right? Why do I need to tell him? And if He doesn't want what I want, is my whining going to change His mind? And I've read and even talked about how prayer doesn't change Him, it changes me. And yet I'm at a place where I'm just not seeing it.
But we're supposed to. So, ok. I pray in more of a context of asking for insight or discernment. Asking for direction. Asking for blessings on family and friends. If someone asks me to pray for them, I certainly do. So all this asking all the time. Is that prayer? Asking? Because I don't know what else to do.
And then I find myself disappointed. There are things that I've been asking for years for with no answer. And mostly it's things like wanting to fulfill His purposes; use His gifts to accomplish His will in my life; go wherever He wants me to go. But I'm still at a loss.
On the flip side I am incredibly grateful for the roof over my head, for my family, for our good health, for my job and all the basic needs being met (like wifi internet access). I certainly don't want to rock the boat. But I do want to step out of it now and then. But my faith is so small, I fear I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
