Where is the balance?

You know that song from "Oklahoma" - "I'm Just a Girl Who Cain't Say 'No'"? I remember a time when that song ran through my head continually - I was a big-time church lady. I did everything anyone ever asked me to do, and lots of things they didn't. I know every word to that song, even though it's about kissing boys not organizing fundraisers, but STILL! I was very tired.

However, I finally cured myself. Actually I think God spoke through someone else and said it was ok to say no. I didn't have to do everything. It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it, than to exhaust myself doing stuff I was only kinda sorta ok at and end up not being able to do the stuff I'm good at very well. See? Freedom! I was released from the bondage of legalistic "doing" for God. I got to pick and choose - Free Will! Yes!

Oh that fit right into my rebellious side. So much so, that I started swinging too far to the other side. Nothing gets my dander up or my knickers wadded more than someone telling me what I should or should not do. Even if it's true, whatever it is, the very fact that someone told me to do it (or not) makes me push back and dig in my heels. You ain't the boss of me! (Can you hear the attitude?)

I was actually quite enjoying not doing things - not going to Sunday school or not being in the choir or not helping in the nursery or not bringing a dish to the potluck or not going to church at all. I will not be compelled by the desire to impress people with my "good girl" act. I have no desire to impress people at all.

Except that's a lie. I began trying to impress people with my lack of need to impress. Does that make any sense at all? It's like being proud of your humility - really stupid and the opposite of logical.

So where is the balance? It's tricky; I know that much. So back to what God was saying to me before - "It would better serve to utilize the giftings I have and put some boundaries on it." Hmmm. Interesting. I don't really know what that means -"What giftings?" is my first question. And "What kind of boundaries?" is the second.

All of this to share with you that I don't have any answers yet. I am reading 1 Peter chapter 4 - the spirtual gifts part - and mulling. I'll have to get back to you on that.

Reading Luke

Mike's been teaching our Sunday School class and we just started Acts. We did a quick overview of Luke to get our bearings before jumping in, and so I went back and started to read Luke again. Luke is the first book I journaled through many years ago, and I really haven't sat down and read through it again since.

With his journalism background, Mike makes a big deal about reading the Bible with intent, looking at the who, what, when, where, and WOW! as you go. I didn't know that was what I was doing when I started reading the Bible and journaling as I went along, but I did recognize I needed to study not just read. I was always pretty good in school, but never really developed study habits to speak of. So the journaling was a recommendation from a pastor or someone, and I gave it a try.

I am not journaling Luke this time, but instead I'm reading and pondering, and then looking back at my old notes. I find it interesting that some things that jump off the page at me now I barely mentioned back then and vice versa. A lot of my notes are unanswered questions. I thought I might impress myself with now knowing the answers. But some things like, "How would someone recognize an angel as an angel?" just don't have answers. And of course, "Why?" is always a toughie.

It's also been interesting to compare Luke to Matthew. Luke writes a great deal about John the Baptist's birth. Matthew doesn't mention it. Matthew goes into detail about the wisemen and Herod; Luke doesn't mention it. So, why? (I ask again.) Lots of speculation but no one can really know.

The mystery of the Bible is fascinating, puzzling and often frustrating! But I never get tired of diving in.

Not Too Bad So Far

Ok, I think I've got that first scripture down. And I don't know how much I'm getting out of it yet, but I do know that it helps me re-focus when I get a little anxious or upset or bitter or frustrated or ... you get the picture.

For example, I start getting a little bit irritated by my husband (obviously this never actually happens, but let's just say if it ever did), I catch myself. And instead of screaming at him out loud or in my head or playing the insult over and over in my head, I think, "But the wisdom from above is first of all pure..." This seems to help.

Granted, one might say that any kind of "mantra" could have the same effect. Well, we'll see. Part of the whole plan is that, no matter the situation, I will have a verse that I've tucked into memory that will focus me back on God; remind me that He is in control; help me find His joy.

Our pastor this week gave a reminder (from the book of James, by the way) that problems can be looked at as opportunities for God to work amazing things in and through our lives. I'll try to remember that.

So I'm on to verse #2! Now comes the hard part - remember a new verse without forgetting the old one. Don't read anything into this, but the verse is:

1 Peter 3:5 - "This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands."

Happy New Year!

So what do you think of scripture memorization? Mike thinks Baptists tend to over-emphasize scripture memorization for the sake of "works". Mainly that it's something people do for points and is therefore, legalistic and overbearing. Easy for him to say - He lives in the Bible and just speaks in verses that he's "memorized" without even trying.

I do see his point though. Memorizing scripture for the purpose of feathering your cap is not fruitful, but worthless. Spouting out memory verses to impress people with your knowledge or shame them with their ignorance - also not cool. But focusing on God's Word, internalizing it, holding it in your heart - what untold blessings can come from that?

I bring this up because I'm starting a year long scripture memory effort. Beth Moore is doing something through her blog (Siesta Scripture Memory Team) to encourage people to memorize scripture and help with accountability. Basically the idea is to memorize two verses a month. She uses her blog to have people sign in and log their new verse every couple of weeks. I did this a couple of years ago and didn't get but about halfway through the year before I bailed. Ack! Anyway, I'm also big on FREEDOM and not getting hung up on the rules, so I cut myself lots of slack over things like this. But this time, maybe I'll make it all the way through.

So everyone picks their own verses because they have to mean something to you and your particular situation at the moment or they don't matter. I may use my blog to explore my verse of the day (or week or part month or whatever). Or I may not - who knows what I will do?

However, here's my first verse of the year:

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere." - James 3:17 (NLT)

It's kind of long but sets the tone I'm wanting to maintain for the year - seeking God's wisdom and not getting hung up on other people's business. At least that's what I get from this verse. Maybe as I meditate on these words for the next couple of weeks, I'll get more.

Happy New Year!

Mike's Summer - Looking Back/Looking Ahead

Since it's officially football season, I'm going to go ahead and call it "Fall". Even though I'm still dripping with sweat from a trip to the mailbox, it is about 10 degrees cooler than a week or so ago. So as I look forward to another great fantasy football season for my team, the "(Paper) Clippers", (and hopefully a great real season for the Texans), I would like to reflect back on our summer. It was good - hard, but good.

Mostly it's been about Mike:

Mike got let go from the nursery as anticipated at the end of their Spring season. He was hired as a "seasonal employee", after all. He was ready for it. It was just too hot and too exhausting. Plus the timing was perfect because the next week he started teaching a Sunday morning Bible class at church (with a reprise every Wednesday) and attending his first Bible college class on Monday nights.

The class he taught centered around Simon Peter, but like all good Bible Studies it was really about how to study the Bible, the life-changing power of the gospel, understanding the Christian worldview, and how to apply it in your own life. And of course, Mike is in love with Power Point and baseball analogies. Which worked out pretty well with a group heavy on Astros fanatics. He never does anything halfway, so he spent hours and days studying and searching for the perfect visuals. He did a great job. And finished up by doing his presentation of "Simon Peter:I Witness" for the last Sunday. There were well over a hundred men, women and children in attendance. It was great to see him glue on the old beard once again.

He had a love/hate relationship with his "Hermeneutics" class, struggling with the teaching style of the instructor, but really getting a lot out of the class in the end. He hasn't seen his grade yet, but anticipates a B+ or an A. Not bad for an old guy. Last week he started his next class on "An Introduction to Systematic Theology". 5 required books! He's really excited about this one. The ultimate goal is a Masters in Biblical Studies. Yes, that is a Masters in B.S. Appropriate, yes?

And lastly, he's been involved with an advisory team at our church which is really going through some difficult times (the church, not the team). He's getting to know the pastor and some of the other guys, and is taking it all very seriously (for him, anyway).

The hard part in all this has been the no paycheck thing. He gets embarrassed when people ask what he "does". And even when he can explain it, they generally ask something to the effect of, "does that pay well?" So God seems to be "refining" my husband through a season of humbling. It's been tight, but we're squeaking by. I'm actually extremely excited about the direction we seem to be going now.

Mike has always told as part of his "testimony" the story of being called to be a pastor when he was first saved. He was literally called by the Church of the Brethren, and he pastored a couple of little churches for a few months (he was still a teenager and a baby believer!). The Church, of course, had every intention of providing him with a seminary education, but Mike ran from that idea as fast as he could. And he's shunned and disdained the idea of seminary "credentials" ever since. However, 30 years later, he's realized that the church did not call him, but God did. And even though he's ignored that call, it's still what God has called him to do. So, he's going to give it a try. What God will do after that, only He knows. But I can't wait to find out!

Lesson from Ruth

I've been studying the book of Ruth this summer with a study guide by Kelly Minter and some friends from church. (Kelly does great studies - even includes recipes!) The overarching theme of the study is that Boaz redeeming Ruth is a representation of how Jesus redeems us.

What I came across this week was a concept I had not considered before. Boaz announces at the city gates in front of the elders and many townspeople that he will marry Ruth the Moabitess widow. He is completely unashamed and quite delighted by this.

So I just realized that Jesus redeems me knowing full well that I would be considered unworthy, unattractive, and beneath notice of anyone else; yet He is not ashamed - in fact He is delighted!

It never occurred to me that Jesus might actually look directly at my sin and shame, my unworthiness, even announce it, and be delighted to take me in, to cover me with His protection, to bless me. I hadn't really thought of it before, but somehow assumed that He redeemed me with a different attitude. I guess I thought He just secretly stepped in out of duty and honor, cleaned me up, and then presented me as His, shaking His head when I stray and trying to ignore my shortcomings - maybe growing to love me eventually. I don't know, it sounds dumb when I put it into words.

I know (the Bible says!) He loves me. And yet so often I behave as if I don't really know that. So which is it? Does He love me or not? He does. Do I believe it? I'm working on that part.

Chosen?

So today I'm staring at 1 Peter 2:8, and I don't get it. My NLT version goes like this:

"And, 'He is the stone that makes people stumble, the rock that makes them
fall.' They stumble because the do not obey God's word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them."

I get that Peter is quoting Isaiah in the first part. I get that "He" is Jesus. What I'm struggling with here is the "fate that was planned for them".

I know we're all on a dangerous path to Hell and the only way out is Jesus. But is that path really the "fate that was planned"? I can even go with the whole idea that Jesus causes people to stumble. I hear it all the time - the biggest problem people have with Jesus is His claim to be the only way to God.

In this chapter, Peter is talking about Christ as the cornerstone, and His followers are living stones of a spiritual temple, holy priests, a chosen people. So those who stumble over Jesus are left to their fate; those who embrace Christ are called out of the darkness.

This really, really makes it sound like the whole free will idea is false. God calls us - chooses us. Does that mean we don't have a choice? Did Peter just leave out the part where we answer the call? Or is that the part about obeying God's word - we have to choose that, right?

And if we're chosen, then that means God also chose (planned) those who would go to Hell. But Peter also says in 2 Peter 3:9 -

"The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent."

I think that's pretty clear that God's choice is for all to return to Him. And if some don't, it must be because God lets us choose. So what's up, Peter, with this "fate that was planned"?

What Happened?

Where did August go?

Well, regardless, it is gone! So, happy September! I always have thought of September as the beginning of autumn. But around here? Not so much. Maybe October.

The good news is it's the start of football! Today, the first season game - Titans at Pittsburgh. And finally, after a half hour waste of television time with some weird musical tribute to the NFL, we have reached game time. I am a resolute non-Steeler fan. And I'm fond of the Titans, inasmuch as they once were the Oilers. So, bring it on!

I don't actually have any fantasy players in tonight's game. I benched Chris Johnson in favor of Ray Rice for the weekend, so I just get to watch "for fun". My first opponent is my brother, and he has a couple players in tonight, but I'm not really worried. :)

Other good news about September is it's time for a new fall Bible study with Beth Moore. This study is on Revelation, and it's going to be a wild ride. I'm excited. We've also started some new things at our church that I'll probably go into more at another time.

Oh, did you know that "apocalypsis" is Greek for "unveiling, uncovering, disclosing" - in other words - "revelation"? It really has no negative connotation at all. It does not mean anything like "devastating end-of-the-world disaster". Hmm.

LPL Report

We got back last night from San Antonio. I attended a Living Proof Live event led by Beth Moore. It's hard to explain what this is - kind of a rally - but more like a Christian retreat. It's an in-depth Bible study crammed into two days. If you look past the 10,000 attendees and the rockin' worship music (although that really sets the mood), it's just a sitdown study with Beth.

The topic was "Inheritance". And we looked at God's promises from Old Covenant to New that reference an inheritance. It's a real big deal - God promises not some kind of ethereal, spiritual eternal existence, but a real tangible physical life that we will live with him and others in a real physical kingdom with real property and real relationships. As Christians, we are co-heirs with Christ. True story! We are heirs of God. So, back and forth we went from scripture to scripture seeing what God had revealed for Beth to teach us. It was awesome.

Afterward, I got to go with 1000 of my closest friends to an area backstage to rub elbows with other readers of Beth's blog and attend a Q&A with Beth and her daughters. It was really neat. I also hooked up with my friends Phyllis and Carolyn with whom I sat for the Fall Bible Study I did at First Baptist. It was nice to see them and catch up a little bit.

While I was at LPL, Mike was taking in the sites - his first trip to San Antonio. He spent a good five hours walking around the river walk (dining and drinking coffee and checking out the shops). We met up Saturday afternoon to take a river tour. It was really fun. Mike wants to be a river boat tour guide when he grows up. We had a great dinner on the river and got back to the hotel in time to watch a movie on the Hallmark Channel (we've been without cable since we got to Texas). Sunday, our plan to go to Six Flags was nixed because we were just too tired. So we took the long way home through Fredericksburg and Austin and called it good.

Done!

I actually finished the entire Bible study I was doing this summer ("No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter)! It's not that I usually quit, I just get distracted (yeah, that's it!). Or I find myself just going through the thing to get to the end without getting anything out of it. But not this time! This time I was diligent, thoughtful, intentional -- and it wasn't easy. I got behind a couple of times, but managed to pull back. I highly recommend this study, but I have to say there was a lot it showed me that I didn't like.

What made it the most fun, and what really kept me going, is that I did it with a group online. Being a follower of Beth Moore's blog, I signed up for doing this study via the web. Every other week Beth would post a video, encouraging us along and throwing out discussion questions from the book (some people actually met together). Then we could post our comments after we'd met (although there were a great many people like me who went single). There were literally hundreds of us doing this study together. It was way cool. Today, the writer of the study posted a message on Beth's blog and it was cool to read her encouragement and some "after the book" revelations. This was such a strange and wonderful way to encounter God and learn about myself. I thought it was weird at first, but it really seemed to work. It was accountability without the legalism.

Anyway, this weekend is the Living Proof Live event that I get to go to in San Antonio. And as a bonus afterward, Beth Moore and her daughters have coordinated a little get together for people who are readers of her blog. So we get to meet each other and hang out for a bit. I'm really looking forward to the whole weekend. And Mike is going with me to SA (not to LPL, he'll hang out at the River Walk or the Alamo during the conference). We will get to spend a good amount of time together still. I'm so excited!

Run! Run! Run!

Last night we went to Bible study at White Oaks Baptist down the street. Pastor Michael played a video for us where the leader takes a group of people to a Greek ruin - an arena that sat 40,000 people where they would hold the games. He talked about how the athletes in the games ran for the glory of their gods (and then for Caesar when the Romans adopted the practice and decided the emperor was a deity).

The point was that the apostles (especially Paul) often explain Christianity as a race (see Hebrews 12). And they used this example for the non-Jews because society understood the games. You run to bring glory to Jesus. You don't run to win, you run like you want to win; you do your best - whatever that is. You're cheered on by a crowd of witnesses. The key is passion - don't hold back; give it everything; let go of the things that hold you down. Run! Run! Run!

It was awesome. He also made some interesting references to Elijah. But I'm still pondering it all. Next week they're luring us back with promises of ice cream!

Harmony and mutual affection prevail - mostly

We're moved in and back online. The painting is almost done. Really, we're so close! We've had all kinds of little snags along the way, but I do believe we're going to like the place. And, thanks to hiring movers and having help from the family, our marriage is still intact!

We went to the little church down the road on Sunday. It was good. We enjoyed it and even got invited to lunch! Believe it or not, we actually accepted and had ourselves a great time. Maybe we've found a home. That would be cool.

I've been doing Bible study using a book by Kelly Minter titled "No Other Gods". It's very well written, and it's really helping me see some things about myself that I need to address. For example, I've fallen into a pattern of expecting God to disappoint me - like He's picking on me or something. And I'm afraid to find out what He'll do next. Now, I know this is not correct thinking, but this study has helped me see that I act like it is. Anyway, I'm hoping God will continue to show me the truth and help me get over myself.

There were some specific verses this week that hit me:
Psalm 112:7
Proverbs 3:24
John 14:27
and really bringing it home - 1 John 4:18

Just thought I'd share.

Why worry?

The Bible says again and again, "Fear not." Apparently that's because we have a tendency to fear a lot. I haven't had the easiest life, but it hasn't been filled with vast amounts of suffering, either. We're always on the edge financially, but God always seems to provide just enough. I do the math, and there's no way we're going to make it to the end of the month. But God's math seems to work better than mine, because the end of the month comes and we squeak by. Somehow we've managed to maintain our health, regardless of our poor eating habits and sedentary lifestyle. My thought there is God will keep us alive long enough to fulfill His plans for us, and that's it. We're still here, so we must have more to do yet. World issues, terrorists, natural disasters are all beyond our control, so I rarely even keep up with the news. The end of the Book tells us it gets worse before it gets better, so these should be encouraging signs of His return.

However, I still worry. I worry about making the rent payment next month; I worry about something happening to me or my husband; I worry about the direction our country is heading and wonder how long Christianity will be tolerated.

I recently noticed, though, that when I am regularly reading the Bible, my worrying is less. When I stop (for whatever reason, usually time management issues), my anxiety increases. Maybe it's all the reminders that God is in control that keep me in check (and the fear not's). Or just the "renewing of my mind" that keeps all that other stuff cleared from my head. Whatever the reason, I think it's cool, and I'm glad I've come to realize this.

I just wanted to share that. Anyway, I have some reading to go do.